Big Ask Blog
Photo by Timur Weber In my book, The Big Ask, I devote a chapter to the art of conversation and how questions can connect us to each other. But what if it backfires? What if your thoughtfully engaging questions ensnare you in someone’s ponderous plot summaries of...
Can taking time to ask personal questions enrich our relationships—whether with friends, neighbors, family members, romantic partners, coworkers, or strangers in passing? That's one of the questions I pose in my book, The Big Ask. But the bigger question, the...
There’s a dramatic moment in the British film Living in which Mr. Williams, a soft-spoken public works employee played by Bill Nighy, approaches his superior, Sir James, who’s refused his requests to turn a sewage-filled abandoned lot into a children’s...
Oh, the possibilities are horrible. And endless. Your attempt at humor backfires and you're marked as an insensitive jerk. Someone you love catches you in a lie that hurts them and erodes their trust in you. You accidentally text “Just between us, I think Sam is a...
When it comes to making requests, we’re most persuasive face to face. Even when asking something of someone we don't know, we’re 34 times more likely to get a yes in person than by email (phone calls are the next most persuasive). Trouble is, in the worlds of...
This is a post about asking that begins, for the sake of analogy, with a seemingly unrelated topic: Crosswalks (bear with me!). Imagine you’re walking in a crosswalk. At the halfway point, you see a driver waiting for you to cross so they can turn. Even though you...
In a famous 1996 study at the University of Chicago, three randomly selected groups were tested on how many basketball free throws they could make. The researcher, Dr. Biasiotto, recorded the results and then instructed the first group to practice shooting free throws...
What if you could direct your imagination to “put on” a new perspective aligned with the reality you wish to create? This is the first of two posts about using affirmations and visualizations, respectively, in effective ways. In this one, we'll focus on affirmations...
In an episode of the classic sitcom I Love Lucy, Lucy wants her husband, Ricky, to ask his boss. Mr. Littlefield, for a raise. Ricky dreads the idea. Lucy invites him to rehearse his "ask" with her, as if she were his boss. In the role play, the reluctant Ricky works...
From 1971-2003 TV audiences tuned in to Columbo, a show named for its fictional homicide investigator, played by Peter Falk. Lieutenant Frank Columbo masked his sleuthing brilliance behind a rumpled, befuddled veneer. Suspects were disarmed by his brand of...